The Devil Within (My 4-Inch Cyst)

I am possessed.

I have a mass in my abdominal cavity the size of a grapefruit.

"Lucifer," as I have been not-so-affectionately calling this beast, was discovered on an ultrasound less than two weeks ago.  I had some acute pain in December and, although the pain never resurfaced, I wanted to get things checked out before I went back to school.

And it's a good thing I did.

After the ultrasound came a whirlwind of doctor visits that landed me in record-breaking time at my grandmother's surgeon. He, although probably over-qualified as a top-notch gynecological oncologist to address what I have, graciously agreed to see me and will be removing the mass on Friday.

Surgery?  SURGERY? Ensue panic.  I've only had surgery once, and it was to remove a superficial-but-large mole from my back.  I've had general anesthesia, but I've never been through the whole true surgical process and I am scared silly.

It is most likely a very large ovarian cyst.  There is no current worry about it being anything more serious than that.  However, it is so large that the ultrasound could not detect exactly where it is coming from.  Rather than put me through more testing, which may or may not be conclusive, the surgeon is going to figure out what it is while he's in there (via a diagnostic laparosopy). The surgeon is ridiculously confident that it can, in fact, be removed laparoscopically and that I will be able to go home the same day.  I like his attitude and hope that he is right.

Really glad that he took me - I only want the best.  I know THREE women who had their reproductive organs taken out by him, which makes me feel better, since 1) they lived to tell about it and 2) this is hopefully just a stinkin' cyst.

Though I didn't have pain all along, I now have bouts of dull pain that comes and goes, a slightly swollen belly, and tons of general discomfort (some of it real, some of it psychosomatic, I'm sure).  I'm living in sweatpants. I haven't worn jeans in a week.

I cannot WAIT for this to be over.

It has messed up school (since you have to bend and twist and do all kinds of physical work in Physical Therapy school), riding (I'm not allowed to ride until something like a month after it's gone), and agility (I'm not allowed to run, either).

It's a huge bummer.

Anyway, I just thought I should post about this.  I'd much rather be posting about the Fearful Dog Seminar that I taught, but I reckon I'll have lots of time for that while I recover.

Just spare a good thought my way around 9:30 on Friday morning, when I'll be rolling in to the OR for my exorcism.

Sand and Sandy

Marge loves the beach and it's no secret to anyone.  Some of my favorite photos are of Marge running with her tongue hanging out of her mouth up against a ocean blue backdrop; other times, I pose her on sand dunes or rocks.  You've all seen the pictures before.

Since Hurricane Sandy, the beach down the block from my house has been closed.  Quite honestly, under normal circumstances, the closure might not deter me from sneaking a walk in here and there.  However, it is in truly horrific shape, with debris all over the place, so it's closed for good reason. Despite Marge's best puppy dog eyes, I haven't given in and will not cross off of the asphalt on to the sand.

This meant that we missed some traditions - like walking on the beach on Thanksgiving, or in the days before New Year's.  It stunk.  The hurricane itself was bad enough, but the fact that it continues to impact our community and limits our leisure activities so many weeks later is frustrating too.

Tired of walking or throwing a ball in the slightly soggy, still-dirty athletic field across the street, I loaded Marge up in the car and took her to another park that I knew was open.  I thought the sand would be off-limits and expected to simply stick to the paved walking trails.  However, we were in for a very big surprise!

Marge painted the moisture from her nose all over my car windows and weaved back and forth in the back seat, whining her head off.  She had missed having fun with me just as much as I've missed having fun with her.

The sand was loads cleaner than I expected.  It was littered mainly with sea shells, which my sister aided me in arranging in to the letters of Marge's name.

Onward we walked, disappearing from the crowds.  I unclipped the leash but called Marge back to me when this sight appeared in front of me, a solemn reminder of why we were here at this beach, rather than our own, in the first place.  I knew it'd be a prime sniffing target and so did not want to let Marge near it.  This poor vessel has been sitting here, sand-lodged and unclaimed, since the night of October 29, 2012.

That wasn't the only sign of Sandy.  Take a look at how more than a foot of sand has simply been shelved away from the coast.  Marge thought it made a great way to jump up and down, but it kept collapsing under her weight as she neared the edge of it, as you can see in the far right side of this picture.

Marge also checked out a buoy that was supposed to be stationed off shore, but instead lay paralyzed  on its side in the low tide.  It startled her a bit, but with some coaxing, she went to cautiously check it out.

That was it for Sandy imagery - at least until we drove over to the marina portion of the park and saw a handful of boats leaning up against the piers, damaged and unusable.  My phone battery was starting to die at that point, so I have no pictures of that sad sight.

My favorite photo from the day is this one.  Every once in a while, those smart phones can take a really nice picture!

It had been far too long since our last beach excursion and I was so happy to see my dog running in her favorite environment again.  I'm going to make sure that it happens again soon.

Chasing Nationals

Agility folks: your thoughts, please!

2012 saw some subtle but definite changes in Marge's running style in agility.  Still plagued by random slowpoke runs contrasted with blazing fast runs out of nowhere, one thing that has gotten more consistent is Marge's overall performance.  Unlike 2011, Marge qualified in the Standard class several times.  The teeter and table became less of an issue for her. She also boasted an even higher Q rate in Jumpers than ever before.  These two things considered, this meant that we stood a pretty good chance of picking up some double Q's at trials.

Marge finished the year with a total of 4 QQ's, 167 MACH points, 7 MX (Standard) legs, and 15 MXJ (Jumpers) legs.  Of that tally, 3 QQ's, 141 points, 6 MX legs, and 12 MXJ legs came in 2012.

AKC Nationals are coming to the East Coast in 2014.  2013 will be the qualifying year for the event.  Nationals only come this way every 3 years, so I figure that if we are to ever go, 2014 is probably our best shot.  (Marge will be nearly 10 years old next time it's here, in 2017.)

Qualification information for the event has changed; to qualify, you now need 4 QQ's, 20 total legs between the MX and MXJ classes, and, get this.. a whopping 500 MACH points.

Clearly, I know where our problem lies.  With a decent amount of showing, Marge can easily reach 4 doubles and 20 total Q's within a year.  But 500 MACH points?  I'm not sure she can do it.

I oscillate back and forth between wanting to make a try for it and brushing it off as too difficult.  The problem lies in that if I truly want to try to qualify, Marge's show schedule will need to be beefed up considerably.  That would be the only way to even come close to that amount of points.  To put things in perspective, Marge showed about 25 days (equivalent roughly 12 weekends) this year and only scored 141 points.  She'd probably need to show closer to 40 or 50 days to amass the points needed, assuming an even higher Q rate and even faster runs than she had this year.

I have basically decided this: to not decide just yet.  Marge will be entered in at least four days of shows in February and March.  She will probably show another four or five days in early April alone.  She could come out swinging and rack up a hundred-plus points right from the get-go.  Or, she might slug along with a high Q rate but not enough speed.  There really is no telling with Marge.

 Based on how well she does in the beginning, I will decide if a bid for Nationals is viable for us.  If it is, and I see that she is enjoying an increased trial schedule (which I happen to think she will enjoy a lot), then I will continue.  If it's not, or I see that Marge is not enjoying herself as much as I'd like, then I will enter the same amount of trials that I have in years past.

There are other questions surrounding an appearance at Nationals, should we even qualify.  For example, if it conflicts with my or Louie's school schedule, then there's a good chance that we won't be able to go.  There's also the money issue, since increased trialing for qualification purposes is a financial strain I'm not sure I can afford (and Nats entry fees are not cheap, either).  Lastly, there's the issue of whether Marge will be comfortable in a setting like the AKC Nationals, where multiple rings are running and loudspeakers are on and people are all over the place.

But, the joy of getting to trial with my dog more often, and the thought of realizing the feel-good story of scared-dog-becomes-agility-champ, are definitely two motivators for me.

My honest prediction is that we won't make a try for it and will settle on a different, less lofty but still respectable goal (like working our way back in to the AKC's Top 100 Mixed Breeds list, or finishing our MACH within the next couple of years). But, it doesn't hurt to dream, and I'm not pushing a run for Nats outside the realm of possibility.

Twelve Up and Down

I appreciate all of you who have kept in touch during my blog absence.  December was a pretty tricky month, with 10 final exams that ate at my time for two weeks, several holiday parties, a stomach virus, and my grandma's ongoing recuperation from her hysterectomy surgery.  Things seem to have calmed down now, though I know that the quiet is only temporary (school starts again on the 28th of January).

I wish I had pretty pictures from a walk on the beach or a hike in the woods.  But, the fact of the matter is that we haven't been to a park in months, all of the beaches are still closed, and my digital camera is broken!  Marge's life has become mundane in that regard, with fetch sessions and walks with me along the paper route making up the bulk of her exercise.  Agility has started back up, though, and we're gearing up for what I hope to be a competitive 2013 season (more on that another time).

Anyway, I thought I'd pop in and make an appearance before the year ended.  It's been a difficult year in many ways, and I expect 2013 to boast a similar set of challenges, but there are bright spots that shined through this year that I hope will continue to be a source of happiness, comfort and entertainment after the calendar turns.

Live from Bridgeport NJ

We're at the hotel, relaxing after a fun day of agility.  Given the events of the past couple of weeks, we haven't run agility in close to a month.  

Marge picked up her 15th Excellent B Jumpers Q for 4 points.  Her Standard run was nice, but I sent her off course.  Arrow had a bar down and an off course in Standard, and weave pole issues in Jumpers.  But, all things considered, both dogs ran very well.

We were supposed to trial last weekend, but the trial was cancelled because of the storm.

Here's to a pair of QQs tomorrow! (Or, if I'm not being greedy, a Jumpers Q for Arrow and a Standard Q for Marge!)

How MargeDog Did

I have to say that Marge was an absolute trooper during the confusion of Hurricane Sandy.  In fact, despite the fact that the storm was much more severe than Hurricane Irene, and much more tumultuous (leaving the house with the storm surge rushing up your block is certainly enough to set a fearful dog off) than anything Marge has ever experienced in my household, I was really surprised at how well behaved she was.

Contrary to popular belief, Marge was NOT a Katrina dog (she was born in 2007), so I'm not sure she's ever experienced anything like this before.

Marge definitely knew something was up in the day or so before the storm.  She had that nervous look about her and seemed to watch my movements closely.  However, even once the wind started to roar, she was relatively calm.  She enjoyed a few romps on the beach on Sunday and Monday and didn't appear nervous at all.

She did nearly have a heart attack when we threw her in my dad's hatchback car and she rode with me in the trunk as we escaped the high tide, but that's to be expected.  She settled down once we arrived at my grandma's dark house, though I kept her on a leash to be sure I knew where she was at all times.

Most importantly, once we returned home, she responded very favorably to the visitors coming and going from my house in the wake of the storm.  One neighbor who had her house completely destroyed stayed at my house for several hours, and Marge was nothing but hospitable towards her. (We did put her away when folks like the National Guard rang my doorbell, though, because I knew she wouldn't take kindly to men in uniform.  It's all about setting up for success.)

My friends stopped by to check on me, too, and she greeted them with only a few hackles and mostly swooping, happy tail wags.

The one thing that did make her really nervous was walking past the front-loaders that were taking garbage away from a nearby block.  But, she recovered quickly, and a few minutes later, ran some zoomies in a successful attempt to burn off the stress she just experienced.

So, she may not be perfect.. but she's pretty darn close!

Staten Island Strong

New Dorp Beach, 2009

The beach we would so frequently sit on is busy with debris, yet at the very same time, left barren from the immense erosion of sand.

The field we would so frequently run in is now being used as a base for the National Guard, the American Red Cross, FEMA, and countless other relief groups.  The neighborhood blocks we would so frequently walk down have been left impassable by the endless bags of garbage - the content of people's homes, destroyed by the ocean, now left at the curb, sopping wet.  Helicopters fly in the skies overhead, starting as early as 7 AM and continuing in to the dark hours of the evening.  Cars line the roads, but most of them are not moving - some fell prey to the storm, others sit idle in a line for gas that stretches nearly a mile.  The roads are street corners are packed full with volunteers, donated clothing, spectators, residents, and the NYPD.

It's bad here.  It's really, really bad here.

Hurricane Sandy has absolutely ravaged my neighborhood.

Those who doubted this storm, those who thought the media was overhyping this storm, were proven very wrong.  Hurricane Irene, which did far more inland damage than it did coastal damage, lulled many people in our beach community in to a false sense of comfort.

Including my family.

In fact, we figured that since my grandma's house always loses power, that we'd bring her to OUR house, a half mile from the beach and in NYC's "Zone A" rather that pack up and go to her house, which is 60 feet or so above sea level, on a hill.

We were smart about one thing, though, and did have things packed up in case we had to leave at the last minute.

Aaaand.. we DID leave at the last minute.

Social media began to buzz after 7 PM on Monday night with reports of the storm surge starting to reach roads and residences.  I found out that a nearby block was under water through Facebook, and the local online news said that people were being rescued off of rooftops just 5 blocks away.

It didn't feel real until I looked out the window and saw what looked like the end of the world - the sky lighting up from transformers exploding, and a mass exodus of cars away from the streets nearer to the beach and closer to higher ground.  Police sirens blared as loud as the wind was blowing.

The final straw was when the water began pouring up my block.  I saw it between my block and the next out on the main road, and that is when I knew that we had to leave.

So, we very quickly packed up a family of four, an 80 - year old grandma, and a cat and a dog in to my dad's crossover, which he conveniently backed up on to my front lawn to avoid the floodwaters, and he drove us to higher ground.

In retrospect, it was a little stupid for us to leave, since it was entirely possible that we would not be able to get out of my neighborhood, and then would have been trapped in the floodwaters.  But, we made it to my grandma's dry, albeit pitch black, house.  My sister, the pets, and I spent the night in my grandma's spare bedroom, on the floor, listening to the wind howl, sandwiched between several layers of blankets.

Fast forward to Tuesday, when I finally arrived home.  The ocean water somehow skipped over my house and stopped dead on my front lawn. We had some damage in the basement from the sewers backing up and spewing filth all over the basement floor.  Some stuff got ruined, but nothing terribly substantial.  Nothing like the devastation experienced elsewhere in my neighborhood.  We were very lucky.

Since I arrived home after dark on Tuesday, I didn't get out to see my community until Wednesday.  It was like a movie.  Literally everyone I knew from my neighborhood was affected in some way.

There doesn't feel like there's an end in sight right now, though I know things will get better.  Already people here have made tremendous progress clearing out their houses, and Sanitation has been doing their best to get the garbage off of our streets.

I've never been one to be ashamed of the fact that I'm from Staten Island, the way some people are.  I've lived here my entire life, in this little house in New Dorp Beach, so one would hope that I like the place! But this week, I'm truly proud to be a Staten Islander.  The support people are giving to one another is amazing and will, no doubt, help us get through this time a little bit easier.