|2006. Too long ago. Ugh.|
I simply cannot get horses and riding off of my mind.
It seems worse than usual. As the years go by, I find myself yearning more for the feeling of digging my heels into a western saddle more and more and more.
But what do I do about it?
I have neither the time, money, nor desire to own a horse. I can't lease a horse for the same reasons. Heck, only now after all this time (it's been almost 4 years since you-know-what) am I even beginning to open my mind to the possibility of forming a relationship with a new horse (I tried in 2008 and it failed miserably).
I've been looking at a couple of stables about hour away from me and it's possible that I'll find one that would let me arrange a 2-day a week kind of thing (sort of like a half lease) for the duration of the summer. I really can't commit to more than that with the immense amounts of schoolwork in my near future (as well as my commitment to Marge's activities, which I would never seriously compromise).
But is it time? Am I foolish to think that now is the time to do it?
I mentioned my stable-hunting plan to my mother, who neither embraced nor disapproved of it. In my family, horses are an extremely touchy topic. I barely ever bring the subject up. So when I do bring them up, it goes without saying that there is a huge force of emotions propelling the words out of me. Her silence this afternoon reminded me of her stoic and somewhat jaded response to my desire to buy a horse in 2008 (which obviously never went through): "If you have enough money to do it, I'm not going to tell you not to. This way, you won't have to deal with anyone else coming between you and a horse anymore."
I don't know; I'm so conflicted. Scared, even. Scared of having another bridge burnt, ending on less-than-desirable terms with yet another group of people. Scared that I will grow attached and suffer heartbreak again when it's time for me to move on (which would likely be in the fall).
On the flip side, I'm also scared of NOT doing it, because I know that as time goes by, my riding and handling skills will continue to erode.
At the very least, I am determined to sit in a saddle at least once this year. There are $30 trail rides about 30 minutes from my house. There's no excuse! I need to know that there are horses still out there, ready for me whenever I'm ready for them again.